WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
