I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
