okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
