I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
