$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
