The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
