the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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