Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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