But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You've changed since you got that strap on
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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