it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
