I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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