so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
