I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
