DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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