I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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