that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
