If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
