eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
