he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
