the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
