Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
