Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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