New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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