So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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