You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
