Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
