wat bout pragnant strippers??
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
