So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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