just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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