Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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