just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
