i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
