come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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