I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
