you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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