remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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