So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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