you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
