i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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