My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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