I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
