Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
