Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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