Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
