hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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