Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I faked an abortion last night.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
