thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
