Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
