I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
