I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
