mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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