I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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