this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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