remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
